Motherhood is a tough job, and often something that a woman is forced to learn about virtually on their own if they lead an expat life here in the UAE. It’s not easy, and lessons come hard and fast in a ‘hands on’, 24-hour a day job.

But help could be at hand now, with the release of a new book called ‘The Mummy Coach’ by experienced mother of two Lorraine Thomas.

In the book, Lorraine identifies ten essential skills needed to be a great mum, and then explains how to put them into practice.

Lorraine, a chief executive of The Parent Coaching Academy, admits many mothers can be overwhelmed by the task as there is simply so much to do.

But she urges worried mums to think small in a bid to make a massive impact.

“If you focus on one particular area and make changes, that has an impact across the board,” she says.

While the ten skills identified can have a vital impact on parenting, Thomas stresses there is one golden rule - remember you are your child’s role model.

She explains: “Our children hold up a mirror to us, and everything that’s good in them will have a source in us, as will some of the things that we find challenging. “The most important question is not what you don’t want to be, but what kind of mum you want to be.

“Whatever that is - be it fun or calm, positive, adventurous, or whatever - really focus on being that word for the next seven days.

“It’s like a parent ‘sat nav’, it gives you a destination.” One of the most popular parenting workshops she runs is Parent Taming, which looks at alternatives to shouting and parent tantrums - behaviour which is not conducive to being a good role model.

Parents often tell her that they sometimes act more like a five-year-old than their child.

In a nutshell, a major parenting problem seems to be that parents are so busy reacting to family life that they don’t plan or think enough about their responses. And Lorraine says: “If you can just step back and think about what you want to do, and the challenges you face, and the best way of working on the relationship with your children, that’s a really important first step.”

A huge part of child-rearing involves discipline, and Thomas points out that while most parents associate the word discipline with punishment, it actually comes from the Latin word for teaching. Stressing that it’s a positive word, she says discipline should work through establishing boundaries.

She suggests that parents don’t set too many boundaries, involve the kids in setting them, and focus on the most important ones.

Instead of always telling kids what you don’t want them to do, tell them what you want them to do, and be consistent if they break boundaries.

“If you let them step over the boundary once and then come down on them really hard the next time, they just get really confusing messages.

We all know what it feels like to be tired and stressed and to give in ‘just this once’, and it’s really hard to be consistent.

But try to think about the long-term rather than the short-term.”

How parents respond when boundaries are broken is key - lots of mums shout, and most want to stop it.

The secret, says Thomas, is to count to five, so that you respond rather than react.

“You need to remember that tone is much more important than volume. Instead of shouting, look them in the eye, lower your tone and show them you mean business.”

It's also important for parents to encourage kids to talk about what they feel good about, as it will boost their confidence.
And, it’s the same for mums, says Thomas.

“Rather than focusing on things you do as a mum that you think need working on, think about what you do that goes well, and that'll give you the confidence to face challenges.

“We’re very good at giving ourselves a hard time.

“You can’t be a 100 per cent mum all the time, there’s usually too much going on, but try to be 100 per cent some of the time.”

Mantra for mothers:
* I am my child’s number one role model

* I am positive about discipline

* I am a calm mum

* I am a great listener

* I am fun and not frantic

* I am a stress manager

* I am a confidence booster

* I am a motivating leader

* I am a feel-good mum

* I am the mum I want to be.

The Mummy Coach is priced at dhs65 and is available from Magrudy’s bookshops